Skip to main content

TMI Thursday: This Puts a DAMPer on Things

 One of the things I've missed most about blogging is my weekly over-share, entitled TMI Thursday.

I figured, being as it's Thursday, there is no time like the present to revive the embarrassing, the degrading, the mortifying. It's time to get back to the cringe, the delicate details, the scandalous stories... the compromising confessions.

In the interest of full disclosure, I turned 40 in 2021. Thanks to COVID, it sorta felt like a time loop or something - as if it didn't really happen. We did spend a couple of nights at a casino, which seemed even more thrilling, in that it felt pretty irresponsible. We survived - we masked up, and I held my own at the poker table. We didn't get sick.

But I digress.

Now, as the mom of a 12-year-old, I have been struggling with something for over a decade now. (Several things, actually - and thanks for pointing that out.)

IYKYK - it starts out innocently enough. You laugh. You sneeze. 

And you do the move - you know the one- you cross one leg in front of the other and you squeeze your ass cheeks together and you use those pelvic muscles and you... pray.

You pray you don't piss your pants in front of god or your best friend or in-laws, or the lady behind you in line at Target. 

You don't. There might be a little sprinkle. A trickle of a tinkle. It's inconvenient. It's anxiety induing. But it isn't that big of a deal.

When you compare it... 

To other, more dire situations. 

Like mine. 

Since I've turned 40, the dance move/ cheek squeeze, vag squeeze - the old routine ain't cutting it. 

I'm pissing enough that I've had to mop up a little puddle off the leather couch. I've had the wrong kind of wet spot on my side of the bed.

And earlier this week? 

I was having a nice little commute to a business meeting downtown. I'd be touring a geriatric psych unit with one of my favorite ladies in the Senior Care Industry.

Psych wards intrigue me, and I'd get to spend time with sweet, energetic Sameera. 

Unfortunately, I had a coughing fit on the way from my comfortable, east end, extra-undie-having home in the suburbs. I was SO close to the exit - I had the KFC Yum Center in my sights.

And there it was. Right there, in my car, while trying to listen to True Crime Obsessed and get to my appointment in one, dry piece - 

I urinated. I urinated enough that I could put my hand between my thighs and feel that warm, wet, whisper of a Whoopsie.

I whipped into the parking garage and considered my options. I was wearing a blazer, but it would look real dumb to tie it around my waist. I could turn around and go home, cancel the tour, try again another day. But, again... looking forward to it!

Making my way into the ladies' room in the lobby, all I could do was assess the (massive) damage.

Soiled, soaked - I was like one of those Baby Alive dolls, for Christ's sake. And I was starting to smell like mulch. That's the only way I know how to describe the odor of fresh urine beginning to dry on the crotch of a freshly laundered Rachel Zoe black pant.

With a deep breath, I did the only thing I knew to do. 

I said to the universe, Piss Off.

I took a few cleansing breaths applied a heavy spritz of body splash, pulled up my moist Big-Girl-Panties, and made my way to my meeting.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Closing Arguments, Trial 3. The Defense: Closing the Case of Adnan Syed v Alice LaCour and Brett Talley

  Would Hae Have Liked Pineapple on Pizza? If it Pleases the Court... Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I want to start by thanking you for your time. It is no small task to put your lives on hold and focus in on the details and particulars and specifics of this case, and it may be a struggle to focus when you have to think about what you're missing at home. Your civil duty - and your willingness to fulfill it - does NOT go unnoticed. I mentioned "time." It's a relative, term, right? I had to wait in line at the post office for 15 minutes. I waited for the checkout gal at Wal-Mart for 20, because they didn't have enough lanes open. I don't know about you, but I try to be patient. Sometimes I fail to wait gracefully, but I really do try.  So. Look at Adnan. For over TWENTY-THREE YEARS he has been waiting... patiently. 23 years ago, I was about the same age as Adnan. I graduated high school in the spring of 1999, just like he did - or would have - had he not bee
Post a Comment
Read more

20 Points in a Basic Story in the Botched Case Against Adnan Syed: I Must Be Insane as that's 5x More than any Other Basic Story Presentation I've Ever Seen

  Basic Story With 20 Points:  Could Adnan be Innocent? "It's not a cop-out; it's case law." ~Bob Ruff, host, Truth and Justice Pod   1 Adnan was the main suspect - Hae's family passed that along to Officer Adcock on the afternoon she disappeared. Originally, they suspected she might be with Don, even though she had to work at 6pm and had never once NOT brought her cousin home. Does anyone know how old the second cousin is? Two cousins lived with Hae. And Officer Adcock's Supplemental Report dated 1/13/99 states that Mr. Lee advises that she "did not pick up his two cousins from school.") Did they go to the same school, these cousins? Another question that could be explored is why Hae's uncle is the only immediately family member who doesn't live with Hae.  Another pain point for me - I'm confused as to why the cousins did not live with their dad, Hae's uncle... but look. Every family has different dynamics. I mean, I gues
Post a Comment
Read more

Not The Nisha Call: Other Things to Consider in the Case of Adnan Syed

"If there is anything about my case, man - I want to know... I want to test it... There's nothing about my case that that I'm afraid of." - Adnan Syed Serial, Episode 12: What We Knew Instead of focusing on a flower and Jay's Changing Stories, Consider This: A) The policemen handling the Missing Persons Investigation did sloppy and lazy work. They back dated reports and failed to interview multiple people  thoroughly enough. B) The police did not interview the family robustly enough to understand what else might have been going on in Hae's life. They, to my knowledge, did not find a translator and instead relied on the guidance of her younger brother. C) A computer, a floppy disk containing electronic diary entries were noted and later went "missing"  D) Hae's email and AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) accounts were never researched thoroughly, and her online activity is relatively unknown, outside of her newly updated "away message" which s
Post a Comment
Read more