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fur baby/ gratitude/ sadness


From the inspirational-ish, thought provoking journal I read only intermittently (this entry was dated January 18th) I give you the following:

Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.


 There was so much good today, but there was pain tonight. I thought my dog was dying. Well, my dog is dying - but she did not die tonight. We did not choose that for her tonight.

I do have gratitude. She has been with me for 16 years of my adult life. I've lived with her longer than any other being, considering I didn't have the capacity for rational thought or memory until age 3 with my own mother. So, I can recall less time under her roof than I can with my sweet Carson under mine.

She was with me when I still lived in an apartment, over 15 years ago. She came along into a new house that we made into a home, somehow. She was here when Stella joined us, watched her crib like a hawk and endured her aggressive, tugging, toddler love.  She watched as I asked Stella's dad to leave. She watched as I introduced a second guy, who stuck around and loved her just as much as the rest of us, until I also needed him to leave.

I know our time together is drawing to a close. Thank god for Matt, my new beginning, third time's a charm. He was there for me tonight in such a special way. I'll get more than 16 years with him by my side - to celebrate our achievements, and then we'll cry together through our pain, whatever life and death may bring.

If I'm lucky. If we're lucky. I think we will be.

Tonight, I cry for my sweet puppy, her black muzzle now white as snow or some vast expanse.

She is almost through living in this life.

She will be one of the ones I miss the most.

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