I have sucked balls lately.
Oh, wait. Not that way. I have sucked at blogging with regularity this week. I mean, jeezel peets! Not once in the twenty-nine weeks since my maiden TMI post (which was about how I simulatenously pooed and puked and since God loves me there was NO cleanup invovled!) (I mean, seriously, it was a miracle) have I ever missed a TMI Thursday post!
(I mean, I even found time to post on Thanksgiving Thursday. That one is a favorite of mine -- it was about the time I gave my number to a hot guy at a bar -- in front of my husband -- because a) I was drunk and he asked for it and b) he looked like that teacher from GLEE. Mr. Shu. Swoonspice.)
So, point being, I'm sorry that I have a been such a fair-weathered bloggy friend this week.
I'll make it up to you today. Here's a snippet of a conversation I had with my girlfriends at dinner on Tuesday:
Amber: "God, it would be so awesome if I was still a slut. I could have sex with whoever I wanted and I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant!"
Amber's dearest and least judgy friend: "God, I love you.I love that you loudly announce that you were once a slut in a restaurant full of people. I love the way you think."
Amber: "I guess I would still have to worry about diseases, though."
Amber's other friend: "And passing along that slut gene to your baby."
Amber: "But, if it's a boy he'd just be considered a stud." I rubbed my belly. "It's such a double standard!"
Well, that's the gist of it.
I hope you enjoyed coming along on my girls' night out.
P.S. I took a huge dump the other morning and upon inspection, found that my poo-creation was shaped like a "J." I wondered if somewhere in the world, someone had ever squeezed out a similarly shaped one and found it to be a sign from God. Then I started thinking about how people often claim that they see the face of Jesus or Mary or whoever in their toast and stuff, and I wondered if anyone ever had a Jesus-faced poopie.
(Can we chalk all this up to pregnant brain?)
Thank you for reading this installment of TMI Thursday: the belated edition.
Oh, wait. Not that way. I have sucked at blogging with regularity this week. I mean, jeezel peets! Not once in the twenty-nine weeks since my maiden TMI post (which was about how I simulatenously pooed and puked and since God loves me there was NO cleanup invovled!) (I mean, seriously, it was a miracle) have I ever missed a TMI Thursday post!
(I mean, I even found time to post on Thanksgiving Thursday. That one is a favorite of mine -- it was about the time I gave my number to a hot guy at a bar -- in front of my husband -- because a) I was drunk and he asked for it and b) he looked like that teacher from GLEE. Mr. Shu. Swoonspice.)
So, point being, I'm sorry that I have a been such a fair-weathered bloggy friend this week.
I'll make it up to you today. Here's a snippet of a conversation I had with my girlfriends at dinner on Tuesday:
Amber: "God, it would be so awesome if I was
Amber's dearest and least judgy friend: "God, I love you.
Amber: "I guess I would still have to worry about diseases, though."
Amber's other friend: "And passing along that slut gene to your baby."
Amber: "But, if it's a boy he'd just be considered a stud." I rubbed my belly. "It's such a double standard!"
Well, that's the gist of it.
I hope you enjoyed coming along on my girls' night out.
P.S. I took a huge dump the other morning and upon inspection, found that my poo-creation was shaped like a "J." I wondered if somewhere in the world, someone had ever squeezed out a similarly shaped one and found it to be a sign from God. Then I started thinking about how people often claim that they see the face of Jesus or Mary or whoever in their toast and stuff, and I wondered if anyone ever had a Jesus-faced poopie.
(Can we chalk all this up to pregnant brain?)
Thank you for reading this installment of TMI Thursday: the belated edition.
Comments
But just wait for the whacky stuff that'll come out of your head after!
You are SO awesomespice, slut gene, come on!
And here I wasted my time in the northern part of the state.
Curses.
But i do have to ask since you seem to be on the same wave length as myself, have you ever poo'ed & been so impressed you were all like "hey hubs come here! OMG can you believe? can you????" lol
You shoula put that Jay-Poop on eBay. People will buy all sorts of...stuff.