this is my now.

I should be writing.

I mean, like, actually working on my manuscript.

I feel like such a fraud.

There are the excuses -- I just started a new job, American Idol was on last night and is on again tonight, my husband is looking over my shoulder (when he isn't hogging the laptop.)

Then, there is the reality: in 2010, nothing has changed. I still don't write every day. I can't even churn out 500 little words with daily regularity. Here we are, 1/12 of the way through a new year, and I haven't really accomplished much at all in the I-wanna-be-a-writer department.

The old Amber would call herself predictable and let the disappointment fester. Ohh, yeah. That's so me. There I went again, not following through on my promises to myself. I'll never change. I suck at life.

But, do you know what I just said to the old Amber?

I said, Shut up, old Amber. Who cares? It doesn't matter what you haven't done.

Just start doing it.

Now.

I don't often give words of encouragment on my blog. (I'm often too busy entertaining you with tales of twenty-something woes and misadventures.)

However, today I want to put a motivational little bug in your ear.

Don't hold yourself back. Don't let past failures interfere with today. What does it matter -- the thing you haven't done yet? So what? Just go do it now. We don't need a new year to make a life choice: to change. It doesn't have to start February 1st or next week or anytime but now.

So, here I go. I'm jumping in, on a random day in January -- not beating myself up for the things I haven't done, and not just expecting more of the same from myself.

I'm off.

I'm off to write.

Right now.