Grab your dinner plates: I've got a smorgasbord of overshare for you this evening.(Feel free to come back for seconds. It's all-you-can-eat over here tonight.)
- Sometimes when I'm at a red light or stuck in stop-and-go traffic I examine my split ends and forget to pay attention to real life. Usually, horn honkers politely advise me when cars are moving again.
- I am almost always attracted to male authority figures, especially when they specifically have authority over me.
- Also, sometimes when men say condescending things, it kind of turns me on. Is that weird?
- I have uttered the following sentences and asked the following questions:
a) I know it's wrong, but I judge. Wait, is it wrong to judge?
b) Do you know what she smells like? She smells like poor people and tears.
c) What is going on here? Power to the whites! (That was after Halle Berry won the Oscar, and clearly, I was joking.)
- I once saved a condom wrapper -- I stuck it in my sock drawer (um, is that still in there?!) as a memento of really, really special and sexy sex.
- After all the things I've posted before, I still wondered if the admittance above was crossing the creepyspice line and considered deleting it for the better part of five minutes.
- Sometimes I am inexplicably paranoid that I will spontaneously combust.
- In related news, sometimes I am afraid while sitting at a stoplight that I will become unconscious, and my foot will slide of the brake and I'll roll out into oncoming traffic and die. (Does examining my split ends makes me feel safe?) (Ineedhelpspice.)
- I loathe Jay Mohr. The hatred I feel for Jay Mohr is palpable. Strangely, I don't know why I feel this way.
- I have used the zip code loophole to internally justify certain past actions. (Thankfully, Louisville is a good-sized city.)
- I'm level 324 in Mafia Wars. Sue me.
Visit Lilu's blog for more tragic tales!
Comments
If you add vinegar to a cucumber, you get a pickle.
If you add vinegar to Jay Mohr, you just get a bigger douchebag.
Nope.... that's how it is. Haven't you ever seen "The Pick Up Artist?" It's called a "neg" -- a negative comment that guys to a girl in order to pick her up.
WHY do we women fall for this!???
"Treat a girl like dirt, she'll stick to you like mud."
Just as an aside, I wish I'd known this women-are-turned-on-by-condescension stuff earlier; I wouldn't have wasted a lifetime being respectful of them.
That is all.
Being paranoid about SHC isn't wrong, because it happens. People burst into flames all the time, the world is an imperfect place.
Power to the whites? I thought you were Asian...
Oh, and I'm the master of all I survey. Do my laundry, woman! And shouldn't you be barefoot if you're going to be pregnant in my kitchen? (You want me, I know...)
@ mjenks - plus, i like cucumbers.
@ ashley stone - my husband actually told me he was an asshole before we got engaged. (I mean, not like that same night or anything, but, you know.) hmm... looks like it worked to his advantage!
@ trav - respecting women is sooo nineties. :)
@ tina lyann - reciprocationspice, obvi.
@ kaydee - i love you, too!
@ saucy - isn't it so true? I think it falls under the realm of daddy issues, but I don't care.
@ elliott - i'm not asian, i'm white rice. do i really look asian?
@ sierra - yeah, sometimes i wish it was tmi thursday every single day. ;)
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