Skip to main content

check it twice

Dear Santa,

As you well know, I've been an extremely good girl this year. Not only have I stopped using my credit cards, but I have also cut down on my spending by eating lunch at home during the week. I really miss Jersey Mikes and Panera Bread and Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

Here is what I want, you jolly old man...

1. A good hair straightener that doesn't cost $15.00 and isn't sold at Wal-Mart. I've heard you can get a decent one at Ulta. (It doesn't even have to be pink.)

2. A houndstooth coat. I realize that basic black might be better, so if you think the houndstooth pattern is a trend, Santa, then I'll understand. Please just choose something that won't show tan doggy hair.



3. There are so many books I'd like to read, Santa. Here are a few that are on my must-read list.
* The Post Secret Books. All of them. I'd prefer if you'd choose copies in which strangers have hand written their own secrets, if it isn't too much trouble.
* The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver
* Wishin' and Hopin' by Wally Lamb
* The Little Friend by Donna Tartt
* Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
* The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold
* The Senator's Wife by Sue Miller
* Any books on the craft of writing that are recommended by the North Pole book shop.
* Any short story anthology of your choosing

Those oughta keep me out of trouble in the early part of '09, Santa.

4. I know it isn't easy to shop for women's clothes, Saint Nick, but this VISA gift card will suffice. I can spend those cold January days at the mall, and it would save you a ton of time.



5. While we're talking about gift cards, you could throw in some for lunch so I don't always have to eat leftovers and Lean Cuisine.




6. I could really use a new digital camera, Claus. I'm not loyal to any particular brand -- I'm sure pretty much everything is an upgrade from my hp Photosmart piece of shit junk. (Sorry, Santa.)




7. Tickets to an Indiana basketball game would be nice, but if you can't make that happen, then could I at least get a pair of candy-striped warm up pants?



8. I'd really like to start applying my foundation with a make-up brush. Can you help make this happen, Santa? Go to the MAC counter; they'll know what to do.



9. Victoria's Secret Love Spell Stuff. Pllllease?!




10. Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men, and new gutters for the house. "Nuff said, right Santa?

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Tina Lynn said…
I want tickets to Phantom of the Opera. Please!!!
November 3, 2009 at 9:48 PM
carissajaded said…
I think I'm gonna have to write my letter to santa soon, and I think I have many of the same items on my wish list. Namely the straightener. I have gone through about 3 cheap ones in the last year. And also the $500 gift card. I'll take four of those. Or 6. And should just about cover it. Oh, and a new car...
November 3, 2009 at 11:09 PM
Shandal said…
I have that CHI straightener, LOVE IT!
November 3, 2009 at 11:17 PM
Organic Meatbag said…
Amber, I'll personally see to it that you get all of this stuff... Santa owes me a favor since I saved his ass in 'nam...hahahahah
November 4, 2009 at 7:53 AM
MJenks said…
You could walk into my office right now, kick me as hard as you possibly can in the groin, and yet, thanks to number 7, you will always have a warm, safe place in your heart.
November 4, 2009 at 9:41 AM
jayme said…
Could you please ask for two copies of the post secret book? I haven't been good enough this year to get anything so maybe you could be a doll and just get an extra one for me! and the candy striped pajama pants PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!!!
November 4, 2009 at 10:27 AM
Santa said…
Whatever you want, babe.
November 4, 2009 at 6:02 PM
The Many Thoughts of a Reader said…
I could go for about all of that list as well.
November 4, 2009 at 7:41 PM
The Daily Rant said…
Your list is great. I can never, and I mean NEVER come up with anything that I want when asked, "What do you want for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary?" I'm so lame that way. Now you've prompted me to actually go make my Christmas list AND post it on my blog. Thanks a lot....I didn't need that pressure. LOL
November 5, 2009 at 5:40 PM
The Daily Rant said…
Oh...and houndstooth is classic, not trendy. So go for it!
November 5, 2009 at 5:41 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Brett and Alice's Writing Style is the Real Crime Here

Here is a nearly sentence-by-sentence reconstruction of Brett and Alice's most recent episode of their podcast "The Prosecutors" - titled Adnan Syed is Guilty. I will not be utilizing the strikethrough in every sentence but will do so when I am compelled and will try to bold sections I've added. I've highlighted some of my favorite and most poignant edits.  I've tired and failed to stay away from a bit of snark. This endeavor was exhausting.  My work will illustrate how Brett Talley and Alice LaCour use narrative spin to bring you their version of events that they want to, for whatever reason, call "facts." I start just before the 4 minute mark.  Transcript So,, Adnan Syed and Hae Min Lee dated for quite some time  when they were in high school, starting around March 1998. They’d stay together for the next 9 months or so, though they broke up twice during that period.   They were on-again off-again until around Halloween and broke up for good before...
Read more

fetal friday?

I know that I left everyone hanging yesterday. You know, when I went to pee on that stick. (That was mean of me. Not the peeing, but the leaving hanging.) Well, I think the big reveal is best expressed in letter form. Deep breath. Here goes. dear unborn baby daughter son or daughter, I take it back. I take back everything I said about not wanting kids. I was just scaredspice, and the slightest bit selfish, and maybe I had a giant fear of commitment. But, three positive test results in the last eighteen hours seem to say that you actually are in there, getting all comfy. I guess you'll probably be here in mid-December. I never thought about having a Christmas baby. (You've really put a wrench in my whole taking-maternity-leave-during-the-NCAA-tournament plan, but that's okay. At least it's basketball season. Don't tell Daddy yet, but you are going to cheer for the Indiana Hoosiers.) Speaking of Daddy, I take back all the mean things I've ever sa...
38 comments
Read more

My "Fucher"

Over a year ago, my mom and dad decided to clean clutter out of their own house and, in an attempt to streamline, they went ahead and gave me boxes of things they had saved from my childhood -- if I'm honest, things I didn't really expect I see until they died or something gruesomespice like that. Whatever, it's fine. I'm not complaining about it, even though it isn't like I really have the room in my house for boxes of cards I was given when I was five, or worksheets and stories I wrote in the second grade. I hadn't even really dug into those boxes until last night. I found one little "story" I wrote (and we'll use the word story lightly here) called MY FUCHER. (It took me a minute to realize I'd meant MY FUTURE.) Hilar. My Fucher I want to mary a boy who will stay home all day and clean the house. I would not stay home. I would work as a singer or hope to. I want to have a babey girl. I would name her Lynn or Trecey or Nciol. I woul...
13 comments
Read more