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Anyone else really hard on themselves, or is that just me? (Thank god I have a therapy session at 4:00 today. I could save this for later, but, if feels good to spill this out.)
I mentioned yesterday - I've been so exhausted. I really chalk it up to the new medication, but internally, my self-talk has been off-the-charts negative.
Yeah, so I'm tired and feel like I need a nap to function. So what? Why is that a character flaw?
I also took a look at alltheotherreasons I might be tired:
I'm not drinking enough water, I'm over-doing it on alcohol and caffeine, I'm eating too many fried foods (and ordering too many meals from Door Dash) and I like, never exercise.
Yeah, these are all choices and habits and items I can improve on, but I was essentially telling myself that I pretty much deserve to feel like crap.
I sit here with a giant ice water in front of me, and a giant WTF, self?! at the forefront of my brain.
You guys have no idea how lucky I am. I have a gorgeous house that backs up to a lake, a gorgeous husband who not only takes care of the household finances, but truly takes care of me - he's never hard on me. He believes in me. He fully supports my dreams, and champions my writing.
I have so much good around me. I don't know what is holding me back from accepting it.
Maybe it's the rejections from literary agents. I know, they don't mean to cause me to lose my shit each time they send me an email that's a pass, but man.... it's tough.
In the end, I know I have a choice. My emotions are okay. Being tired is okay. If I want a Philly Cheese Steak and a beer for dinner tonight, that's okay, too.
Self, repeat after me:
You don't have to be perfect.
You are good enough.
You deserve to be happy.
Thank you, self, for listening.
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