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When Your Self Talk Needs an Attitude Adjustment

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Anyone else really hard on themselves, or is that just me? (Thank god I have a therapy session at 4:00 today. I could save this for later, but, if feels good to spill this out.) 

I mentioned yesterday - I've been so exhausted. I really chalk it up to the new medication, but internally, my self-talk has been off-the-charts negative. 

Yeah, so I'm tired and feel like I need a nap to function. So what? Why is that a character flaw?

I also took a look at alltheotherreasons I might be tired:

I'm not drinking enough water, I'm over-doing it on alcohol and caffeine, I'm eating too many fried foods (and ordering too many meals from Door Dash) and I like, never exercise.

Yeah, these are all choices and habits and items I can improve on, but I was essentially telling myself that I pretty much deserve to feel like crap.

I sit here with a giant ice water in front of me, and a giant WTF, self?! at the forefront of my brain.

You guys have no idea how lucky I am. I have a gorgeous house that backs up to a lake, a gorgeous husband who not only takes care of the household finances, but truly takes care of me - he's never hard on me. He believes in me. He fully supports my dreams, and champions my writing. 

I have so much good around me. I don't know what is holding me back from accepting it. 

Maybe it's the rejections from literary agents. I know, they don't mean to cause me to lose my shit each time they send me an email that's a pass, but man.... it's tough. 

In the end, I know I have a choice. My emotions are okay. Being tired is okay. If I want a Philly Cheese Steak and a beer for dinner tonight, that's okay, too. 

Self, repeat after me:

You don't have to be perfect.

You are good enough.

You deserve to be happy. 

Thank you, self, for listening. 

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