Skip to main content

When Your Self Talk Needs an Attitude Adjustment

 A


Anyone else really hard on themselves, or is that just me? (Thank god I have a therapy session at 4:00 today. I could save this for later, but, if feels good to spill this out.) 

I mentioned yesterday - I've been so exhausted. I really chalk it up to the new medication, but internally, my self-talk has been off-the-charts negative. 

Yeah, so I'm tired and feel like I need a nap to function. So what? Why is that a character flaw?

I also took a look at alltheotherreasons I might be tired:

I'm not drinking enough water, I'm over-doing it on alcohol and caffeine, I'm eating too many fried foods (and ordering too many meals from Door Dash) and I like, never exercise.

Yeah, these are all choices and habits and items I can improve on, but I was essentially telling myself that I pretty much deserve to feel like crap.

I sit here with a giant ice water in front of me, and a giant WTF, self?! at the forefront of my brain.

You guys have no idea how lucky I am. I have a gorgeous house that backs up to a lake, a gorgeous husband who not only takes care of the household finances, but truly takes care of me - he's never hard on me. He believes in me. He fully supports my dreams, and champions my writing. 

I have so much good around me. I don't know what is holding me back from accepting it. 

Maybe it's the rejections from literary agents. I know, they don't mean to cause me to lose my shit each time they send me an email that's a pass, but man.... it's tough. 

In the end, I know I have a choice. My emotions are okay. Being tired is okay. If I want a Philly Cheese Steak and a beer for dinner tonight, that's okay, too. 

Self, repeat after me:

You don't have to be perfect.

You are good enough.

You deserve to be happy. 

Thank you, self, for listening. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

fetal friday?

I know that I left everyone hanging yesterday. You know, when I went to pee on that stick. (That was mean of me. Not the peeing, but the leaving hanging.) Well, I think the big reveal is best expressed in letter form. Deep breath. Here goes. dear unborn baby daughter son or daughter, I take it back. I take back everything I said about not wanting kids. I was just scaredspice, and the slightest bit selfish, and maybe I had a giant fear of commitment. But, three positive test results in the last eighteen hours seem to say that you actually are in there, getting all comfy. I guess you'll probably be here in mid-December. I never thought about having a Christmas baby. (You've really put a wrench in my whole taking-maternity-leave-during-the-NCAA-tournament plan, but that's okay. At least it's basketball season. Don't tell Daddy yet, but you are going to cheer for the Indiana Hoosiers.) Speaking of Daddy, I take back all the mean things I've ever sa...
38 comments
Read more

Brett and Alice's Writing Style is the Real Crime Here

Here is a nearly sentence-by-sentence reconstruction of Brett and Alice's most recent episode of their podcast "The Prosecutors" - titled Adnan Syed is Guilty. I will not be utilizing the strikethrough in every sentence but will do so when I am compelled and will try to bold sections I've added. I've highlighted some of my favorite and most poignant edits.  I've tired and failed to stay away from a bit of snark. This endeavor was exhausting.  My work will illustrate how Brett Talley and Alice LaCour use narrative spin to bring you their version of events that they want to, for whatever reason, call "facts." I start just before the 4 minute mark.  Transcript So,, Adnan Syed and Hae Min Lee dated for quite some time  when they were in high school, starting around March 1998. They’d stay together for the next 9 months or so, though they broke up twice during that period.   They were on-again off-again until around Halloween and broke up for good before...
Read more

My "Fucher"

Over a year ago, my mom and dad decided to clean clutter out of their own house and, in an attempt to streamline, they went ahead and gave me boxes of things they had saved from my childhood -- if I'm honest, things I didn't really expect I see until they died or something gruesomespice like that. Whatever, it's fine. I'm not complaining about it, even though it isn't like I really have the room in my house for boxes of cards I was given when I was five, or worksheets and stories I wrote in the second grade. I hadn't even really dug into those boxes until last night. I found one little "story" I wrote (and we'll use the word story lightly here) called MY FUCHER. (It took me a minute to realize I'd meant MY FUTURE.) Hilar. My Fucher I want to mary a boy who will stay home all day and clean the house. I would not stay home. I would work as a singer or hope to. I want to have a babey girl. I would name her Lynn or Trecey or Nciol. I woul...
13 comments
Read more