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Casual Sex: The Ol' School Conquests (Part One)

 *


* Though they don't deserve it, names have been changed to protect the idiots.


The Middle School Crush

When I was in middle school I had THE biggest crush on this guy, Loren. He was a soccer player and had that Jonathan Taylor Thomas hair, all floppy and perfect every time he moved. He was a year older than me, but visited my history teachers classroom tons, so I got to swoon and doodle his name on the reg. I think my friends even got the history teacher to try to hook it up, but nothing ever came of it.

Imagine my delight when I ran into Loren at a bar as an adult. I use the word adult lightly because I wasn't particularly behaving like one. I was out way too late and had been drinking IDon'tRememberWhat for too long. But, I was at one of my favorite bars, felt right at home, and a cab wouldn't have been out of the question. Enter: Loren. He lived 4 seconds from the bar. I told him about having the Middle School Hots for him and found myself in his bed. Score! Not only did I snag the guy, I didn't have to pay for a cab ride home.

It's factual that Jonathan Taylor Thomas aged better than this guy. Gone were the soccer player muscles, and his once perfect teenaged face was more wrinkled, and he looked... harder somehow. But, I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I made my way home the next morning to change into fresh clothes and head to work. 

The text came: from him, but obviously (?) not meant for me. 

Man, her breath was kicking. She wouldn't stop talking the whole time and it was all just so-so. I probably shoulda passed. 

Then, a second text.

Oh, shit. Sorry. Wrong person.

So.

My thought was that he DID mean to send it to me, but that might be giving him too much Conniving Credit. Either way, I wasn't even that mad. The reference to my breath was either the fault of alcohol or cigarettes. I refuse to believe I "talked the whole time" unless it was to ask some polite questions about a picture here or a book there as I was shown around his house. Lastly, I agreed with him on the mediocrity of it all. 

No harm, no foul.

I replied... No big deal, Loren. I'm actually glad you accidentally sent that text to me. I'd forgotten to brush my teeth yesterday, so my bad on the breath. And I totally agree with you that the sex sucked.    

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