Skip to main content

tmi thursday: in which you should proceed with caution and skip entirely if you're smart

Oh, Thursday. I relish it when you roll around, you with your TMI Tradition. You allow me to open up -- to be honest, and to have an excuse to overshare. You drape me in bravery, in robes of full disclosure. (That reads like an oxymoron, doesn't it? Robes of full disclosure.)

#1. I've been semi-scared to poop ever since I found out that I am with child. Mostly, this results in me holding it until I no longer have the need to grunt or squeeze. You're welcome.

#2. Hubs hasn't once tried to get busy with me in the bedroom. Instead, when I (gently) push on my bladder-area and tell him it feels different -- harder -- he's like "don't push on it too much!"

#3. In an diversion from the norm, hubs said the sweetest thing last night when he got home. He said, "I read online that the baby's spinal cord is developing right about now. I almost cried." (Wait. I'm back: Hubs is such a girl.)

#4. I've had zero spotting.

#5. I think I have a little bit of an infection near my who-ha. (Near my panty line.) It's like a bug bite or ingrownspice hair or something, and in the past couple of days it's swollen up to the size of a small gumball. It's sore as an.y.thing. I got kinda worried and showed hubs, who insanely offered to pop it. He was all up in my beezwax with a flashlight, and told me to bite down on something. I was all, "Get the bloddy hell away from me right this instant!" Upon reflection, perhaps said ugly-red-mass is the reason hubs does not seem to want to get jiggy with me.

#6. Number five was probably THE raunchiest thing I have EVER posted. It. felt. fantastic.

#7. I called my sibling, who is a nurse, and she said my baby is hogging all my antibodies, and to call my doctor and let her know about the ordeal. I called, and now I get to go to my first appointment a week early! (I go Wednesday 4/28 instead of 5/5.) They said to go to the Prompt Care place if it gets worse. Currently, I'm hot-washclothing it. It feels nice.

#8. Still craving nicotine and smoking the occasional cigarette. Go ahead and judge me. It's harder than I thought it would be to quit. I've cut waaaay down, though. I'm going to talk to my Dr. about getting the chewing gum, which isn't a fantastic alternative, but is healthier for baby and me than the toxins in cigs.

#9. Feel overwhelming guilt about #8. Please don't flog me too much.

#10. I refuse to become a mommy-blogger. I refuse to become a mommy-blogger. I refuse to become a mommy-blogger. I mean, you know, one of those who blogs solely about kid stuff. Not that there is anything wrong with that -- but that just isn't really me. Remind me of this moment in seven to nine months, okay?

Scared to click publish post.
More scared than ever before.
But, believe it or not people... I'm human. I sometimes get zits (usually not in such places) and occasionally make mistakes and have a hard time exerting will-power.
If you still love me, you rock.
Because you know you have flaws, too.
It's just that yours might not be the size of a gobstopper or located on your vajenga.

Comments

Elana Johnson said…
TMI Thursday rocks. That is all.

:)
Lizz said…
Loved it!!!!

also #8 its better to slow way down then to just quit cuz then the baby will be fiending for it also. :)~
Congrats!!
~*~Lilly~*~ said…
Don't worry lady - i too have had the who-ha gobstopper thingie. & since it's your tmi...i feel a bit better saying - It hurts like a bitch!

Loved the post...:o)
Jm Diaz said…
I now know more than I ever wanted to. I R not smart, evidently...
Anonymous said…
So I totally get those gumball sized things near my lady parts too...

I would say, in my completely non-medical opinion, that it is an ingrown hair.

And I still love ya!
LMAO! I love TMI Thursday and I love the idea that I will get to share in the joy that is your pregnancy viz blog posts. Well, hell, I just love you. ;)
i am still dying of laughter over number 5.. oh dear god.. i almost spit corona on my screen..

love ya and your stories.. ;)

oh and don't you know that once you become with child/a mother everybody judges everything about you because it is totally their business and all that jazz.
Ashley Stone said…
you are hilarious! (It's probably just an ingrown hair.)

Haha....
Natalie said…
Ha ha! Pregnancy will make you crazy, (if you weren't already). Enjoy it.
Unknown said…
Sometimes there are no word Amber... today would be one of them...
Update: got that sucker lanced and I feel like a whole new woman, but now I am supposed to take Augmenten, a B class antibiotic. And I'm scared to take it. Currently doing research (i.e. waiting for nursey sister to get out of nursing class.) :)

Can't believe I didn't lose a single follower today!
Roni Loren said…
Glad to hear you got it taken care of. As for the antibiotics, welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy paranoia. I was the same way--questioning the safety of everything.

I remember I was at a Motley Crue concert when I was like 7 months along and the baby kicked as the music got louder and I was like-oh no, I'm going to make him deaf. (FTR, he didn't come out with any hearing problems, but he has since birth preferred 80s hair metal to lullabies. So I've ruined him for life.)
Second the rocking of the TMI. And the resistance to the mommy blogging, I'm right there with you though I do chat about my cutie on occasion.
And yeah, he's a girl! My hubs did the same thing.
Sierra Godfrey said…
GOD you are SO DAMN FUNNY. I can't stand it. The whole list made me laugh hard, and not just because I have a raging headache and am not able to think original creative thoughts by myself and instead have to rely on funny people (you) to amuse me while I sit in cavewoman-like stupor.

And please, do not hold in the poop. I totally know what you mean about being scared to, I was scared to, too. But you're going to pop a roid (a hemorrhoid, that is) if you hold it in. And as you get bigger and more pressure is put on that area, you're not going to want to chance that.

Because here's a little TMI Thursday for you that I cannot B.E.L.I.E.V.E. I am going to post here publicly (but going to anyway, hoping it feels as good as you say it does): roids never go away.

EVER!
dolorah said…
Oh Baby; I've been away too long if I din't know you were pregnant.

You are so the typical first time preggers. I'm sorry; I laughed and I'm so glad you posted this.

Let me just say the only way to get through your first pregnancy is to get through it. Cliche, I know, but true.

You both sound so adorable.

Note: take the anti B's. I've had 5kids, and yeast infections and gestational diabeties with all. And all births so big they thought I'd need c-sections. That little germ will fare better than you during it all, trust me.

Live your normal life; but milk the hubby for every concession you can get out of him. It only works with the first. He learns too.

You're healthy, vibrant, and self aware. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

.........dhole
Jenna Wallace said…
This post was excellent practice for you because -- and trust me on this -- you will have no modesty left by the time you have this baby. Wait until you have a team of people getting all up in your business with a flashlight.
Ohhhh...you are getting a head start. Just wait til baby gets here. You'll think nothing of discussing the smell, texture, and taste of your baby's poop ;)

TMI thursdays rock. (P.S. congrats on baby!)
Unknown said…
And of course THIS would the day that I really buckle down and get caught up on my blog reading. Wow. A just reward for my slacking to date.

Well, it's nice to meet you and congratulations on the bumble bee buzzing around way up where husbands fear to tread.
Love it. I'll hold you to not becoming a mommy blogger, even though I'm occasionally an aunt blogger (love them, then give them back when they need to be changed!)
alexis nicole said…
You rock because you confess and say what others hide and don't say. Honesty can be hilarious!!!!
Anonymous said…
You gots guts, chica!

Popular posts from this blog

in which i have a birthday and a giveaway

The blogger as a child. p.s. it's my birthday. And people at Starbucks like me. (I did get this for free, but it was not for the benefit of my blog.)  (Obvi, it was a gift .) There's a cupcake in that box! There's a hazelnut latte in that cup! In other news, I'm having a 100 Followers/ It's my birthday giveaway. You should enter. I'm giving away the following goodies: 1. A $25.00 VISA giftcard. 2. An original poem, which will be hadwritten and autographed on pretty paper. It might be about love, about being a writer, or maybe the winner will be able to choose the topic. We shall see. This giveaway is a bit seatofthepantsspice. 3. A frame from my wedding day. In fact, this very frame: 4. A mystery. The fourth goodie will be a surprise until you open the package! 5. The whopper: I will dedicate a karaoke song to you, personally, and put it on my blog, vlogger style. If you want to enter this smashing contest: leave a comment. 1 entry if you follow and comme...

possessive

I watched Hoarders last night. During the first commercial break, I dared to look around my living room and I thought, oh holy mother of four-letter-word. Color me cluttered. Yes, it's true that most of my mess is hidden and collecting dust in the dark, but I know what's there -- like the 100+ VHS tapes in my bookshelf/ media cabinet, for instance. Yes, I love knowing that should I desire to watch my old school copy of Riding in Cars with Boys or Girls Just Wanna Have Fun or The Royal Tenembaums or Serendipity or Ghost World or Memento or... okay. You get the picture. It's there. If I wanted it, it would be right there. Also semi-hidden? Probaby 50+ copies of this weekly magazine from the late 1960's - early 1970's called Story of Life. My grandma gave them to me. Have I cracked the cover of even one issue? Hell to the no. I don't have time for that type of nostalgia. Plus, I can't even find a link for it with a quick google search. Something tha...

First Page Blogfester

Preface: TGIF. It has been a day. So. I'm participating in the First Page Blogfest in which writers around the blogosphere post the opening 24 lines of their WIP. (In a "real" book, this is the approximate amount of work that would appear on page 1!) This blogfest is being headed up by Kelly over at Kelly's Compositions . Please check out the other entries and leave them a comment on their work. My own WIP will be featured on Roni's Beta Club next week, and I chose an excerpt from the beginning one chapter one for critque over there, so today I'll give you the true beginning: the opening lines of my prologue. Here goes nothing. My working title is A SAD SONG IN A FLAT KEY Genre: Literary Fictionspice Prologue May 2005      Laurel sits Indian style. She faces the head of her bed and tries to focus on Cafe Terrace at Night, pretending it is priceless artwork instead of a cheap replica. She counts the tables first, and the...